James is the cutest little thing. I know he’s not really little, but I don’t care. James would make the most adorable toy. I would love to have one. He has a big round head with a perma-frown. His resting bitch-face never fails to make me smile. He is capable of smiling, but sometimes it looks like it hurts him. When you add in his Kentucky accent, you get the impression that he’s made to be sitting in a playpen not behind a bench.
I’m not joking.
I would really like a James Comer of my own. If I can’t have the real thing, then I would like a toy version. I’ve gone as far to make a few models for the plush toy. I can’t quite get the hair right. There are a few different designs. There’s the “Baby Comer,” “Buzz-cut Comer,” “Near-tears Comer, “ “Young Comer,” and my favorite, the “Glower Comer.”
His only flaw (and it’s a big one) is that he’s a Republican. His chase after Joe Biden, especially through his son, Hunter is as deplorable as he is adorable. He’s on the wrong side of things and it’s a true shame. Don’t get me wrong, I’d still love to meet him. His actions towards the Bidens make me want to tell him, “Just sit there and look pretty.”
It is fun to hear him talk. If he were a squeeze plush toy here are a few of the things I would have him say:
Every hero has an arch nemesis. In this case, he is the nemesis to “Little” Jared Moskowitz. Their interactions are hilarious. James calls him “Little Jared Moskowitz” and Jared has stated that those are the only occasions when James is telling the truth. Recently, James has told him that he looks like a “Smurf.” Their dynamic is something to see. It seems that Jared is having a little more fun than James, but I hope that there is some degree of their interaction is performance. Maybe they have a better relationship off camera. I hope recent developments with the Oversight Committee’s alleged whistleblower being arrested and discredited are enough to defang the Biden impeachment effort. If nothing else, I’m banking on control of the house changing hands and ending this bullshit. Maybe then they can shake hands and play nice. There (or “thar” as James would pronounce it) is plenty of room to disagree and still have fun. We’re all here together on this world. We should make the best of it.
I often wonder what kind of people these politicians are outside of the performance. This article is only intended to tease James, but my general contempt for Republicans is real. It would be awesome to get a chance to meet him or even just talk to him on the phone. Seeing him as a person would be an experience. Getting a picture standing between he and Jared would really be something to remember. I may have to settle for the plush toy.
Until then,
Just sit there and look pretty. 😉
— Citizen Mooney